


Humans are animals too

by Howlmoon



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Animal Welfare, Cute, Husbands, Kidnapping, M/M, Parody, Protective Robert Sugden, disguises
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-21
Updated: 2017-11-21
Packaged: 2019-02-05 02:59:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12785493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Howlmoon/pseuds/Howlmoon
Summary: Aaron's hotheadedness has got him into trouble again. Luckily for him, he has a pretty good lawyer.Just a bit of fun imagining Aaron's reaction to hearing about the Tories' recent vote on animal welfare.





	Humans are animals too

**Author's Note:**

> Written in response to the news that the Tories want to scrap all animal rights laws, apart from the ones covering pets. I've put a link to my petition at the end. Please sign it.

Judge: Aaron Dingle. You stand accused of 20 counts of Grievous bodily harm, after hitting 20 members of the conservative party in the face as they were leaving Parliament on the 22nd November 2017. How do you plead?

Aaron (Crossing his fingers behind his back): Not guilty.

(Suddenly, a door creaks open and Robert enters the courtroom, wearing full lawyer gear and thick framed glasses. He has also dyed his hair brown and is wearing eye contacts to make his eyes look grey).

Robert: Sorry I'm late... 

Judge: Mr Wilkins, glad you could finally join us. I was just reading Mr Dingle the charges.

Robert looks around angrily.

Robert: You started without me!

Aaron (hissing) : Robert, what are you doing!.

Robert; (To Aaron) Shush! (To the judge) How dare you start without me!.

Judge: You are very late. We thought that you weren't coming.

Robert: Well, I am sorry about that. I had a few errands to tie up.

Judge: Well, now that you are here, you can present your arguments in defence of the accused.

Robert: Of course. You see, your honour, my husband...I mean, my client, didn't actually realise that he was doing anything wrong. 

The prosecutor: He launched an unprovoked attack on 20 people and he didn't know that he was doing anything wrong?

Robert: Yes. The Tory party did recently vote that animals couldn't feel physical pain did they not?

Prosecutor: Well, erm...yes.

Robert: Right, and humans are animals as well, are they not?

Prosecutor: Of course, but I don't understand...

Robert: So my client did not think that he was doing anything wrong by hitting those members of the Tory Party. He didn't see where the harm was in hitting them if they couldn't feel pain.

Judge: So you do admit that your client did hit those 20 people on the aforementioned day.

Robert: Yes.

Prosecutor: But he caused a lot of damage emotionally and mentally to the victims.

Robert: He couldn't have.

Prosecutor: I am afraid that I do not understand.

Robert: (muttering to himself) You do not understand much, do you? (to the judge) Your honour, the Tory party also voted that animals could not feel emotions, so therefore, it would be impossible for the 'victims' to feel any emotional or mental damage following my grease monkey's... I mean client's attack.

Judge: I see your point.

Robert: So, if animals cannot feel pain or emotion, then that means that my client is not guilty of causing grievous bodily harm to the Tory party members, due to the fact that they are animals too. He has given them a few black eyes and broken noses, but to be honest, I think that they are improvements.

Aaron groans and buries his head in his hands.

Robert: Thank you, your honour. That is everything.

Judge: Does the prosecutor have anything to add.

The prosecutor shakes his head, completely lost for words.

Judge: The jury must now decide the verdict. We will reconvene shortly.

Two hours later.

Judge: Jury, have you reached a verdict.

Jury man: We have, your honour.

Judge: And do you find Aaron Dingle guilty or not guilty.

Jury man: Not guilty.

 

Aaron and Robert leave the court building.

Aaron; You are completely crazy, you know that. You could have got yourself put in prison as well.

Robert: It worked, didn't it.

Aaron: I suppose so.

Robert takes Aaron into his arms.

Robert: I love you, grease monkey.

Aaron: I love you too.

The pair kiss. Aaron fingers Robert's dyed brown hair.

Aaron: I miss your blonde hair.

Robert: This dye will wash out in a few days.

Aaron: Good.

The pair walk the short distance to the car and get in. 

Aaron: What did happen to Mr Wilkins though.

Robert squirms, a sheepish look on his face.

Aaron (frowning warningly): Robert...

A series of soft thumps can be heard from the boot of the car.

Aaron (sighing): Oh brilliant.

**Author's Note:**

> This was just written as a bit of fun. I hope you enjoyed it. I will be putting up some more realistic, serious fics up soon. I just love the idea of Robert disguising himself as a lawyer, representing Aaron in court and wiping the floor with the prosecution.
> 
> In all seriousness, the fact that the conservative have voted that animals cannot feel pain or emotion is ridiculous, as well as the fact that they plan to scrap all animal right's laws accept the ones covering pets. There are hundreds of thousands of animals in farms, science labs, other forms of captivity that need protection from harm. This legislation will probably also see a return of fox hunting and more animals in circuses. Animals are sentient beings, and they all deserve to be treated with kindness and respect. Please sign the petition below to tell Theresa May to put animal welfare laws in place for all animals, not like pets. Please don't go vigilante like Aaron.
> 
> https://www.change.org/p/theresa-may-mp-stop-uk-government-from-scrapping-animal-welfare-laws


End file.
